December 2009
18 posts
1 tag
Rabbi Missions →
2 tags
Our Meryl
FADE IN
INT-Apartment, Night
Enter DAVID, casually texting on his cell phone to KAYLAH.
David: What movie are we seeing tomorrow?
Kaylah: "It's Complicated." Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin. In other words, SEXY TIME!
David: Ooh I want to see that. I really do, but I have to try and not think about the idea of old people sex. XD
Kaylah: Hahaha It's Meryl Streep! I don't mind... She's gorgeous! I'd do her!
David: True... Can't say the same for Alec Baldwin though...
Kaylah: Eh. I'll put up with it for her :)
SCENE
5 tags
WatchJimmy Fallon, The Roots, and The Muppets.
4 tags
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Peppermint Roasting on an Open Fire
FADE IN
INT-Starbucks, Night.
Enter DAVID and STARBUCKS LADY. David orders a couple of Starbucks drinks, one for him, one for his MOTHER.
David: Can I have a Venti Coffee with Peppermint?
Starbucks Lady: Sorry, we ran out of Peppermint.
David: Really? My mom's going to be mad about this one... I might as well give her Hazlenut. Give me Hazlenut then.
Stabucks Lady: Ooh, that sounds festive! I think I shall try one!
FADE OUT
FADE IN
EXT-Van, Night
David breaks the new to his mother.
David: So they said they ran out of Peppermint, and I gave you Hazlenut instead.
Mother: WHAT?
David: They ran out...
Mother: But WHY? I had my taste buds prepared for this coffee and everything! Honestly, I think it's just THAT starbucks on the corner! They must not order enough or something! Quit LAUGHING!
David: But I find your whining entertaining! (continues laughter)
Mother: I'm NOT whining! I wanted Peppermint!
David: But I got you Hazlenut. Hazlenut's good, right?
Mother: But it DOESN'T taste like CHRISTMAS!
David: Hey! Hazlenut is just as festive!
Mother: No it's not! They don't say "Hazlenuts roasting on an open fire!"
David: They don't say "Peppermint roasting on an open fire" either.
Mother: That's not the point! Don't make me roast YOU on an open fire!
SCENE.
1 tag
1 tag
Gay Lip Rings
FADE IN
INT-Roseville Galleria, Day
Enter DAVID, TAYLOR, PHILLIP, and SUSAN SURRANDON, walking up to a jewelry hut, looking for lip rings.
David: You should get those dark red ones.
Taylor: Huh, why?
David: Well, you seem to wear red all the time.
Taylor: Hey! I DO wear red all the time!
S.Surrandon: (pointing at a pair of dark blue and silver striped lip rings) Just don't get those ones.
David: Aw, why not? They look good!
S.Surrandon: Those ones look gay on him.
David: Um... Yeah, we wouldn't want to make the gay man look gay now would we?
S.Surrandon: You know what I mean!
SCENE.
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“We don’t play Side Bed.”
– Patric and Dustin
3 tags
“A marathon runner running in the snow with one shoe and still manages to win the...”
– Anonymous Local Newscast
2 tags
2 tags
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Jim, Remember Me?
FADE IN.
Int-Starbucks, Night
Enter DAVID and DUSTIN, sitting down at a table with caramel flavored drinks.
David: It's weird, I haven't seen anyone I recognized yet.
Dustin: Are you supposed to?
David: Well, every time I come in to this Starbucks, I always see someone I know from high school.
Dustin: (points outside) Do you know that guy on the motorbike?
David: No, I don't know any bikers.
Dustin: I know him.
David: ... Do you?
Dustin: NO. (laughs)
David: You should ask if that's his name! Hey! What's your name?
Dustin: Jim.
David: Oh my god! Remember me? We went to high school together! We had woodshop with Phongmany!
SCENE.
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1 tag
“Why do today when you could have done it yesterday but now have to do it...”
– Lomo Thomnus Chocobo